Are You Still Satisfied In Your Relationship?
Once satisfaction leaves the relationship, it is easy to feel disconnected from your partner. Seemingly small issues grow into significant resentments and suddenly one or both of you feel undervalued, uncared for, or even unloved. Children, careers, and the demands of daily life may have absorbed the time you once reserved for each other, and you're not sure that you really know or understand each other anymore.
Do you find yourself:
Constantly arguing, perhaps in front of your children?
Having disagreements, ranging from finances to sex?
Struggling with the aftereffects of an affair or another significant breach of trust?
Wondering what you'll come home to each day?
Questioning if your relationship can be repaired?
Struggling within your intimate partnership can be a frustrating, confusing, and lonely experience. Your needs may not have been met for some time, and you might wonder if it's possible to express yourself authentically and feel a true connection to your partner again. Whether it is a breach of trust, contrasting values, or ongoing arguments, you might feel unsure of how to move forward. Or, you might not be able to point a finger at the problem, but know that something isn't right. You may not feel able to talk honestly and be vulnerable with your partner, especially if your relationship feels like it has become a power struggle.
Any of these challenges alone can be daunting, but you don’t have to work through your relationship problems on your own. Would you like to bridge the communication gap, strengthen your connection, and learn how to work together as a team again?
All Couples Face Challenges
If you're struggling in your partnership or marriage, you are far from alone. Universally, all couples experience challenges with communication, differing values, and various conflicts throughout their relationships. We all enter into relationships with diverse backgrounds, different perspectives on life, problem-solving skills, and ideas about money, sex, parenting, work, and family. Sometimes our values and desires are in sync, and sometimes they're not. And, as humans, we are dynamic beings. We change over time, and what was important (or not) to us at one point in life, often changes as we move through the various stages of our lives.
Many of us also did not grow up in families in which healthy relationships were modeled. We may not have learned healthy communication or conflict resolution skills. And, our childhood experiences may differ greatly from our partner's. With differing backgrounds, it's not uncommon for partners to misunderstand each other and struggle to find peaceful resolutions—especially in times of conflict. And, if a traumatic background is involved—whether from childhood or a previous intimate relationship—it's not uncommon to unconsciously revert to the chaotic patterns generated by the trauma. Unfortunately, that sometimes involves harboring unwarranted guilt, shame, or self-blame—or projecting those painful experiences and emotions onto our partners.
Relationships are complicated and often take work to maintain. The good news, however, is that if you and your partner truly want to save your marriage and are willing to do the work, anything becomes possible. A highly skilled, compassionate couples therapist can provide you with the support, insight, and practical skills that can help you increase feelings of closeness and enable you to embark on a new, more connected path forward.
Couples Therapy Can Help You Hear, Be Heard, And Reconnect With Your Partner
Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. When communication is strong and healthy, relationships generally thrive. However, when communication begins to break down, a relationship usually devolves with it. With the goal of re-establishing healthy communication—or developing effective relationship communication skills for the first time—couples counseling is a safe place for you to be heard, for you to hear your partner, and to learn what you both need, want, and desire through your intimate partnership.
In safe, supported relationship counseling sessions, we'll slow things down so you can both better understand what the other is saying. Together, we can explore needs, issues, concerns, and desires surrounding intimacy, sex, finances, parenting, and differing values. We can also take time to thoughtfully and compassionately look at past traumas, family of origin issues, and lingering issues from your past so you can understand each other on a deeper level and increase your connection and compassion. Together, you can take personal ownership of your relationship, set collective goals as a couple, and figure out what you can and want to change.
Every relationship is different, which is why we'll design a couples therapy strategy that best addresses, supports, and honors your unique history, dynamic, values, lifestyle, needs, and therapy goals. We will identify key areas of concern and devise practical strategies to best handle issues that are both pressing and lingering for each of you.
Relationships can be hard work, but they can also be wonderfully nourishing and supportive. With the willingness to self-explore and work together to heal as a couple, I truly believe that transformation is possible. With over a decade of experience working with couples, I've seen extraordinary healing occur and couples emerge from relationship therapy far stronger and more connected than ever.
With the help and support of an experienced and caring couples therapist, it is possible to create the relationship you want. You can develop increased empathy for each other, learn how to problem-solve as a team, and develop strategies to resolve conflicts in ways that are sustainable and kind. As you develop an increased closeness, you and your partner can both feel heard, valued, and loved for all that you both are.
You still might wonder if couples counseling is right for you…
We've tried therapy in the past and nothing has helped.
Just as every person heals differently, so does every couple. There are many paths to repairing a relationship—you just need to discover yours. It can be frustrating when therapy doesn't work once or even twice, but if you want to preserve your relationship, it's important that you don't give up. There is a time, therapist, and approach to healing your relationship that can work for you. Sometimes it's a process of trial and error to discover what you need, and, in sessions, we can explore what didn't work in the past and try something new.
We are worried that couples therapy can be expensive and take a long time.
The amount of time spent in relationship counseling is entirely up to you. Some couples just need a few sessions to work through a specific issue and shift perspective. Others want to do the deeper work needed to resolve trauma and connect on a deeper level.
Regardless of your situation, it's important to remember that therapy is an investment in your most intimate relationship. Moreover, struggles in partnerships often spill over into other aspects of our lives, impacting focus and productivity at work or the ability to be present with other people close to us.
Being proactive and resolving issues now can also help to prevent breakup or divorce, which can be very costly, both financially and emotionally.
Some ugly things have gone on in our relationship, including an affair. I'm afraid that I'll be embarrassed by or judged for actions of the past.
As humans, we are prone to making mistakes and decisions that we later regret. I approach all my clients without judgment and provide a warm and caring space in which you can share anything and everything—when you are ready to. And, if an affair is a pressing issue, infidelity counseling is an option. In affair recovery sessions, I will help you get to the root cause of what happened and develop thoughtful strategies on how to repair your relationship and move forward in a way that supports you both.
You Can Have The Relationship You Want
From the North and South Forks, Hamptons to Moriches, and surrounding area, my office is centrally located off major thoroughfares and is easily accessible. I invite you to call my office at 212-888-2888 for a free phone consultation. I'm happy to discuss your specific situation and answer any questions you have about counseling for couples and my practice.