Has Infidelity Hurt Your Relationship?
Are you and your partner struggling with the aftereffects of an affair—unsure if trust can be restored and the relationship repaired?
If you were the one who was cheated on, do you feel angry, betrayed, minimized—maybe even demoralized? Perhaps the broken trust and sense of betrayal makes you hypervigilant, suspicious, or worried that the affair is still happening or will happen again. Or it might be that you are obsessing over details, wanting to know everything that happened and wondering if—and why—you were not enough.
If you are the one who engaged in infidelity—whether as a physical or emotional affair—are you drowning in shame and guilt, wanting desperately to make amends? Are you consumed with sorrow and regret, but don’t know how to move forward? It might be that no matter what you say or do, your partner continues to be angry and/or distant, which may leave you feeling frustrated and helpless.
Perhaps relationship problems, such as issues with physical intimacy, communication, or emotional availability, provided fertile ground for infidelity. Alternatively, maybe the affair seemed to come out of nowhere, leaving you in utter shock and disbelief. Regardless of how it happened, you are likely grappling with anxiety, wallowing in self-blame, or even experiencing thoughts of self-loathing.
Fortunately, you don’t have to navigate this challenging time alone. With my help, you can learn how to rebuild trust, work through complicated emotions productively, and gain the tools needed to repair and enhance your marriage.
Infidelity Is More Common Than You Might Think
If you are recovering from infidelity, you are not alone. While affairs are typically shrouded in secrecy and not talked about openly in our culture, they happen more often than you may think—to both men and women. Statistically, the prevalence of infidelity varies, but it is estimated that at least one-third of and as many as 60 percent of married couples go through an affair within the duration of their partnership. Today, with texting, dating apps, and hook-up sites available at the swipe of a finger, affairs are becoming easier to engage in and increasingly common.
Many couples also struggle with intimacy, communication and connection issues. I often hear clients express that they were not getting their needs met and felt compelled to seek fulfillment outside of the relationship. Other people have a past history of sexual abuse and/or struggle with sex addiction, which can influence them to seek out various sexual experiences and partners. And, there are some of us—many of us—who aren’t able to engage in long-term monogamy. As humans, we are creatures of love and passion, often making monogamy a reflection of religion, morals, and cultural standards rather than one of biology.
That said, when an affair is a violation of a commitment, trust is broken and feelings of betrayal, anger, and sadness are common and understandable. It takes time and effort to learn how to be a good partner, and we all make mistakes. The positive news, however, is that if you and your partner both want to repair your relationship, you can rebuild it so that your connection, as well as the foundation of your partnership, is stronger than ever before.
As an experienced, compassionate couples counselor and affair recovery specialist, I can help you figure out if and how you can stay together and engage in a process of honesty, acceptance, validation, and forgiveness as you strengthen trust, empathy, and respect.
Infidelity Therapy Can Help You Repair And Restore Your Connection
In safe, supportive infidelity counseling sessions, I can help you develop the compassion, courage, and insight needed to address what happened. As a third, neutral person in the room, I will encourage you both to be open to express your emotions and feel safe, heard, and understood by your partner. With over a decade of helping couples work through infidelity, I take a totally nonjudgmental approach. While I do not generally tell you what to do, I will help you figure out what works for you and your unique relationship.
In sessions, you and your partner can reexamine your relationship and say what needs to be said, even if it's difficult. Together, we can break down the experience and understand why it happened. Through sharing openly and honestly with each other, you can begin to build empathy and experience compassion for your partner, which will inevitably strengthen your bond. And, by focusing on where you are today, versus where you were months, years, or even decades ago, you can come to a place of acceptance and collectively decide what needs to be done to move forward.
Every person and relationship is different and grows and changes over time, which is why we'll tailor infidelity counseling sessions to meet your individual and collective needs, goals, histories, and values. Based on your needs and what arises in sessions, I can also provide you with tips, techniques, and strategies that can help you interact and connect more effectively and deeply. It is possible for both of you to get what you need out of the relationship. And, as a couple, if you want to work it out, your partnership can be healed and even enhanced by our work together. Without shame or fear, you can bring issues to the surface, work through them as a team, and become stronger for it.
You still might wonder if infidelity therapy is right for you...
My partner refuses to attend therapy with me right now. Can counseling still be helpful if I come on my own?
Absolutely. I work with both individuals and couples on affair recovery, and my office is a safe place for you to process your thoughts and feelings about the affair and your relationship. I can serve as a reflection for you as you begin to increase clarity and confidence and figure out what it is that you want moving forward. Furthermore, once your partner sees and feels a shift in you, he/she may be more open to joining you in the future.
I feel that there is little hope of us staying together, so what's the point of infidelity therapy?
You and/or your partner may feel angry and frustrated now, believing that you're in a hopeless situation, which isn't uncommon after an affair. However, there was something that initially drew you together and I believe that with a willingness to work at it, it's possible to rebuild trust and reframe a relationship. In sessions and over time, you might decide that you are ready to heal together. That said, if you both decide to separate, I can help you do so amicably, which can be especially helpful if you share children, friends, and assets.
I'm afraid of being judged and made to feel like an awful person or I'm afraid of being judged because I choose to stay.
First, I can say that there is zero judgment on my part. Surviving infidelity is wrought with many challenges and I understand that, as humans, we all make decisions that we later regret. However, what we can do is take ownership of our actions and learn from our experiences. Furthermore, my commitment is not to any one partner, but rather to your relationship as a whole, therefore I will never judge or cast blame. With your commitment and faith in one another, anything becomes possible.
You Can Reframe, Rebuild, And Restore Your Relationship
If you're struggling with the aftereffects of an affair in the Hamptons, North Fork, or South Fork, NY, or surrounding areas, I invite you to call my office at 212-888-2888 for a free phone consultation. I'm happy to discuss your specific needs and answer any questions you have about infidelity therapy and my practice.